Dear Beth,
Happy 29th Birthday. Today official starts your
last year in your 20’s. How crazy that you are here already. I know today looks
different than you imagined it would several years ago. It’s ok. I promise. You
may not have the life you thought you would but remember your life is pretty
great. Please always remember that.
You may not have the kids and house and the job and the
husband. You may not be moving mountains and taking names and the world may not
be at your feet right now. But it’s ok. I promise. Remember all the joy you had
this last year? Can you see how much you’ve changed? You’re pretty great.
Remember that.
Can you remember all the laughter and joy? All the late
nights and random adventures? Do you remember the feeling of your heart coming
alive? Oh I know that’s your favorite. When everything is so perfect and so
joyous that you never want the day to end. And sometimes you succeed in making
people stick it out with you. You’re crazy. But it’s awesome.
Do you remember the sad times? The times when the tears
wouldn’t stop flowing and how you questioned everything? Do you remember how
much it hurt to grow but you never stopped? I know those weren’t your favorite
times but darling they were so very important! I don’t tell you this often but
you know I’m proud of you.
I’m proud that you always push yourself forward. You don’t give up even when that’s all you want to do. It takes courage to put yourself out there after rejection. It takes incredible faith to believe this time will be different. It takes hope that fail after fail after fail will eventually lead to success. It takes that certain crazy you have to keep laughing and keep moving forward. You’re a special kind of crazy, girl, and even though sometimes I question you I still believe in you. You’re a fighter and believer and a risk-taker.
Remember how hard 27 was? Remember how you thought that
after such incredible heartache and defeat and trials that things couldn’t
really improve? Remember how much you dreaded 28 and how you didn’t know how
you could face another year like that? Remember how you were sure things
couldn’t get better and you felt like you lost yourself? And what did you do?
You made a plan. You always make plans. You try new ways to get to where you
want to go. So with your plan you made a list. Your 28 things to complete when
28.
You knew you wanted more adventure in your life so you went
after it. You never stopped darling and that is so beautiful. Remember how you
had to start that list off with an adventure on your own? How you thought you
were going to fail but you needed to try anyway. Remember that drive to
Puyallup? Walking into the fair for the first time and taking everything in.
And you did it all by yourself. And you had fun. You may never understand why
people like those silly fair scones. You probably won’t understand why most
people like most foods but that’s ok. You trusted that your plan was worth
while and you lived in the moment.
Do you remember that tear filled conversation in a car in
August? How that was the beginning of your first new friendship in years. If
only you knew then the adventures that would lead to. See darling never forget
that sometimes the sorrow bears the most beautiful fruit. Oh you’ve had so much
fun this last year!
You’ve attended a soccer match and football games. You flew
to California and had the most jam-packed weekend possible. No seriously, I
don’t think you could have done more. There will always be the memories of
pizza in the dark and laughing until you cried. Remember the sorrow of a missed
trip to the Super Bowl and how you changed that into an epic road trip around
the peninsula? Yeah, never forget your ability to improvise and seek joy. You
had late nights with friends, ate at a diner, went to the zoo, kayaked with new
friends. You sought adventure after adventure. You never stopped.
Hawaii was simply amazing. The way the state took your
breath away. The laughter and freedom of that trip. You accomplished a
life-long dream that week. Remember how nervous you were about possibly failing
at surfing. But that first wave. Oh it was magical. And you believed in
yourself. That was special. And in Beth fashion you even threw up after! Way to
keep things lively. Remember all the love you felt there? It was beautiful.
And as you’ve questioned yourself in the weeks leading up to
today I want you to remember all that you’ve done. All that you are. Don’t put
your stock in the approval of others. Trust that even if they all fade away
that you will still be ok. You don’t need a bandwagon for adventures. You can
have an adventure with one or even by yourself. You are pretty great at solo
adventures. Please don’t forget that. Don’t let loneliness keep you from
experience life. Don’t stop making lists, don’t stop having adventures, don’t stop
loving others and forgiving their shortcomings. Don’t stop being you.
And remember that even though this weekend didn’t go as
planned that in the end you’ll be alright. Please always remember that friend
who sat with you and let you cry and question why, the friend who sent you a
prayer, and the one who invited you to hang with her family just a few hours
away. Don’t forget those who took the time to show you love because darling you
are loved. Even when you don’t feel it, you are loved deeply.
My hope for you in this next year, this last year of your
20’s is that you live more and grow more. I know you have big plans, big
dreams, and big hopes. Hold on tight to those and chase them. Chase them,
darling, with everything you’ve got. Share, be honest, open up more, take
risks, feel deeper, love wider, and embrace everything and everyone with open
arms. You might want to deal with that physical touch issue though! Don’t let a
number define you, don’t let your job, or your friends, or your status define
you. Just live. Just breathe. Jump in feet first. Keep growing. Feel pain. Reap
joy. Push forward. Head up. Eyes wide. Heart open.
Welcome to 29. Happy birthday. Remember where you’ve been
but look ahead to what’s to come. It’s going to be beautiful.
Love,
~ Self
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